This is a post specifically for my female readers (obviously). Men of course are free to participate in the discussion, I just don’t want them wildly speculating about things they can’t answer. Anyway, for you women, what qualities do you find attractive in a man?
Before you answer, I’d like you to keep the following three things in mind:
- Be specific. If I hear another woman say that she’s looking for a man “who knows how to have a good time,” or a man “who enjoys having fun,” I might just leap off the nearest ledge. That’s a non-answer: it’s safe to assume that everybody prefers having fun to being bored.
- Be honest. When it comes to affairs of the heart, it’s easy to confuse one attractive quality with another. Take Alizee, for example. She is an unbelievably hot, slutty, young woman who dances really well. Because of this, a large number of men mistakenly think she’s: a good singer, intelligent, passionate, kind, etc. She may be, or she may not be, but there is no way to tell from watching her on TV, and it certainly isn’t why she’s attractive. In other words, look inside yourself and make sure you are honestly describing what makes a person attractive, not the qualities that you ascribe to them because they are attractive.
- Explain why. If I tell you that Bridget Reagan is hot because she has wonderful breasts, that’s a good start, but why are her breasts wonderful? Why do breasts even matter? Let me explain: perfect breasts are like a perfect steak. You want to savor every minute of its succulent taste. If it’s too big or too small or too well done or too raw, it just isn’t the same. It has to be just right and just soft enough to caress with your tongue. That’s the kind of detail I’m looking for.
Okay! Thanks in advance to all women who take the time to enlighten us!
PS: Readers might also be interested in my other post, Do Men Enjoy Sex More Than Women?
Tags: attraction, love, men, relationships, sex, women
Johnny Depp, of course!
I’m strange (I mean, I’m reading this website), but my two cents are really intelligent men. That may be too vague but I’ll try to elaborate.
An intelligent man is one who does not ‘let himself go;’ they stay healthy because they know it is a good idea to do so, and their body will thank them later. Now I’m not talking about a guy who’s ripped and goes to the gym every day (in fact rock hard bodies kind of turn me off, I like a bit of tenderness) but there’s a range most men could fall under.
An intelligent man is interested in things which make the world a somewhat better place. It could be a hobby, interest, major, or career, but selfishness is not attractive.
An intelligent man is dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge in all forms.
An intelligent man enjoys the NES more than the Sega Genesis
An intelligent man encourages others to also be intelligent, but not to the point of forcefulness or condescension.
An intelligent man is an atheist, agnostic, or (preferably) a Pastafarian.
I think it’s much easier to identify turn offs, at least for me, than it is turn-ons. I try to stay away from physical descriptions as well because those tend not to dictate my choices (my first point is a general guideline, as long as you’re healthy I’m fine). I like socially functional nerds (you know the kind I’m differentiating from), and while I’m fairly extroverted for some reason I tend to for introverted guys.
All in all this is a hard thing to pinpoint because something as simple as a smile can be extraordinarily attractive and I’m not sure what it is specifically about that smile that is so alluring.
I realized I have lots to say, so I’ve broken it up into sections. It’s partly a response to K-squared (does your name have anything to do with the function: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D.....uared_test), partly about attraction, and partly random
On being strange. I’ve often wondered what it means to be “normal”. I consider myself to be the most normal person I’ve ever met, because to me I make perfect sense. I simply cannot understand people who are afraid of gays, or against freedom and liberty, or what have you, but those people exist and I consider them to be very strange. Still, objectively I’m clearly abnormal because very few other people think like me.
On intelligence. How do you differentiate between “intelligence” and “agrees with me”? Do you find intelligent men attractive, or do you find men who agree with you attractive? The latter is often known as finding common ground or liking people with similar interests. For example, you equate intelligence with atheism, as do I, but any religious person would disagree with you. It stands to reason that there are many issues on which you are wrong, and a more intelligent person would disagree with you. I’m not insulting you, ha ha, I’m just bringing up a hypothetical example. I prefer smart women as well, but perhaps I prefer women who are “smart enough”, because it seems to me that it’s hard to get along with people who are either dumber than you or smarter than you, and it’s easiest to get along with people who are right around your level of intelligence.
Is it possible to be successful and not selfish? Women are often accused of being attracted to money, but I challenge anyone to find a rich person who is not selfish. Selfishness is basically the foundation of capitalism. Even rich people who become philanthropists in their old age still GOT rich by being selfish. Then, of course, there’s the simple theory that people help others because it makes them feel good, which is a selfish motive (i.e. helping others to make YOU feel good).
On Nintendo versus Genesis. Come on, everybody knows the Sega Genesis is the superior system!
The Genesis was better than the NES, but worse than the SNES. Because of that, it filled a rather awkward void and it didn’t catch on quite as much. Sonic the hedgehog is arguably as good as Mario, and Sega had better ethics. Mortal Kombat on the Nintendo was censored so that the finishing moves sucked and there was no blood. It was uncensored on the Genesis.
On religion. Could you marry someone of a different religion than you? Do you think an atheist and a religious person could ever be happy together? Interestingly, I think this has nothing to do with attraction: there are obviously lots of hot religious women out there, but as far as relationships go I think it would be difficult. Many people think Tom Cruise is hot, but Scientology is totally crazy. So, religion and attraction seem to have nothing to do with each other.
Turnoffs versus turnons. Since you find it easier to identify turnoffs, does that mean that men are “attractive until proven guilty”? In other words, you meet a new man and are open-minded and think “he could be relationship material” until he breaks some of your rules?
Relationships versus sex. For men, there is a HUGE difference between a woman we would have sex with and a woman we would date. Genocidal serial killing maniac women can be really hot, and I would do them, but I would never in a million years date one
Is there this same difference for women?
Non-physical attraction. This is the hardest thing for men to understand. I cannot imagine how strange it would be to go through life and not be able to tell if a woman is hot within one second of meeting her. If a woman is not attracted to a man’s physique, and rather to his personality, that means that women literally CANNOT TELL if a man is attractive until they’ve spent a significant amount of time with him. How weird is that? That means women go on dates with men that they don’t know whether or not they are attractive. I could never go on a date with someone I didn’t already know beforehand that I would like to sleep with.
Introverted versus extroverted. It’s probably because two people who never talk, or two people who never shut up, would never get along
Either both would be talking at once, or neither would be talking, which is awkward.
On being hard to pinpoint. I once commented to my roommate that you would never hear a man say, “That woman is really hot but I have no idea why.” I guess it’s one of those gender differences.
On genetic engineering. No, this is not off-topic! It’s generally considered “bad” or “immoral” to meddle with the genes of your kids because it’s going against mother nature or something. If you have seen Gattaca, you know what I’m talking about. People tend to jump to the conclusion that we shouldn’t mess with mother nature in order to make our child tall, blonde-haired, and blue-eyed (for example). But, why not? Is that not what you are doing already by choosing who you date? Is not that the entire point of dating: to find someone with the best genes? If I date a blonde woman, how is that any different than manually changing the genes of my kid to be blonde?
and johnny depp’s a celebrity ..he can get with any chick he really wants to get with
Unfortunately no, my name does not have to do with the chi-squared test, though I may steal this thought and start claiming it is. It’s actually just the mathematical representation of my initials, and yes, thankfully, my middle name does not also start with a K.
On Intelligence vs. Agreement: This is an interesting point. I’m inclined to believe that men who think as I do are intelligent, as I consider myself to be intelligent. While this is a bad way to characterize intelligence, it definitely colors my judgment. I’ve found that the men I’ve dated have been a different kind of intelligence than myself, though. I love the sciences and mathematics, but college level calculus was about as high as I was able to study without going crazy (study being the key word, I still have a deep appreciation for them and enjoy the odd article here or there). I have a higher literary intelligence, but I much prefer science and math guys. Perhaps a level of intelligence is the incorrect scale, and a spectrum of sorts would be better (we could steal from Gardner if we so desired.) But I agree that if someone lacks in a more conventional definition of intelligence (IQ for example) it makes a relationship a lot less appealing.
On Selfishness: You’re right, being successful requires an amount of selfishness, but to the point of arrogance or narcissism is more what I was talking about. I like guys who believe in general reciprocity while also understanding that the world is not an ideal place, and he must take precautions against that.
On Religion and Marriage: I have dated religious men, and it always ended up being an issue because I am hard-headed. It’s come to the point where religion has become a turn-off, because there is no long term possibility there, and it is a reflection on their critical and rational thinking skills. (Even if they claim to have ‘never thought about it’ that is a reflection of their character; how can someone believe in something and not tell you why?) Certain religions don’t bother me if practiced in a purely cultural sense (Judaism, for example) but most of the time there comes a point where they look at me and realize, ‘oh crap, she’s going to hell.’
I also don’t believe in marriage, so when I date or am looking for a potential date that is something I have to keep in mind. I do believe in monogamy when appropriate and even civil unions of the state, but marriage has historically been firstly extraordinarily degrading to women, making her worth only her property and gold, and secondly a religious institution. Because I am not religious, I find no need to continue this practice, especially when a purely legal alternative exists.
This ties in with your point on Relationships vs. Sex. Yes, when I look for a mate I may not plan to spend the rest of my life with them, but it is important to me that they hold long term possibility. I don’t find sex particularly appealing unless there is an emotional aspect (not necessarily a formal relationship, but at least something more than a one night stand). So the idea that someone can be only physically sexy is a little foreign to me. I would not call this an average woman’s response as most of my female friends would call a guy in a picture sexy without hearing him speak or even seeing any of his opinions. I have had friends with benefits that I knew would be nothing more, didn’t want it to be anything more, but it was comforting to know that yes, they were my friend as well as my sleeping buddy. In these instances they were friends or exes that I had known for a long time.
On Turnoffs vs. Turnons: Of course I don’t meet everyone with the mentality that they have to be proven unattractive. Within the first few moments of meeting someone an initial attraction may occur. There are a few attributes that aren’t necessarily physical that I would make me interested. (I apologize for not being able to think of any in the last post) One is the way a man carries himself – a certain air of confidence is extremely endearing. Playfulness or humor, a wry or evidently witty sense of humor… there things don’t take very long to pick up on. I have never been on a date with someone who I didn’t at least have an idea of their personality.
Also, when I find someone attractive, I am almost always able to tell you why I think so. It just doesn’t seem consistent from man to man – two men could have the same attribute and it would only be attractive in one of them. Strange, I know.
On Genetic Engineering: While I have no real moral opposition to it and I agree with what you’re saying, there is a point I’d like to bring up. Not everyone has access to genetic engineering – it would be the ultimate sign of wealth, partitioning the classes even further. A wealthy class of perfect human beings would rise – it sounds like the beginning of a bad science fiction novel. While you claim these alterations are no different from choosing the father of my child(ren), hopefully I didn’t choose him just to make babies with. Still, if he or I had some kind of genetic flaw, I’d love to be able to erase that from my child(ren)’s genome, but going so far as to alter their physical appearance is personally invasive.
More questions to consider:
Would genetically altered people be less attractive because they aren’t ‘natural’? (Would genetically engineered babies become the new breast implants?) Should we idealize our children to our own standards? Who says blue eyes are better than brown, and should we care?
Hmmm… about men… I’ll try to write in a sort of English (i had my last lesson 3 years ago).
I really like that type of cute, intelligent and funny man. I don’t like that kind of man that live for himself and for the gym, they start to get boring. Shame on my but I prefer them a little bit “fluffy” (that sounds kind of a cat, no?)
in fact i like a lot a Portuguese television presenter, who is fat, smart, has very expressive eyes and beautiful lips. And Why? The eyes, the big browns eyes bring a sense of trust very pleasant. The mouth is just sexy… ;P
In the end, girls just want someone who let them be herselfs and when they ask, make them feel safe.
I don’t know who you are, but, I have loved the blog
ps. Philip: ” On intelligence. How do you differentiate between “intelligence” and “agrees with me”? Do you find intelligent men attractive, or do you find men who agree with you attractive?”
DO you know that song from Dune (i think), called “somebody”?
Is something like that “though my views may be wrong,
they may even be perverted
she will hear me out,
and won’t easily be converted”…
Boooooooooring
I think it’s time someone brought up Ladder Theory.
“The ladder theory is a funny, scientific explanation of how men and women are attracted to each other. It also covers such topics as why women sometimes just want to be friends but men always want sex. It is based upon many years of sociological field testing, and was first conceptualized in 1994 in Exeter, CA by Dallas Lynn with acknowledgments to Jared Whitson for his role in formalizing the theory.”
Once you read it, it’s very hard to argue against.
It’s a funny theory, but have you ever being in love? Do you believe in that “ladder”?
I really must have a big problem in my rating sistem. My boyfriends usually spend more time reading or writting than getting ritch.
But i will read all the theory.
Hi there Philip and the rest…
These R some thoughts from someone older than U folks, and therefore more “lessons learned type thing”
The male ( In this case Pilip…) How funny it is to enter someones webpage, through a search for probability, ending up posting a comment on LIFE.
As a good mathguy P. lists up the terms and conditions for the “problem”, then sets about trying to solve it or find an algorithm of some sort. I wish there was.
After 25 years of marriage there R certain aspects of love that seems to fall into place. Or finding the right one, if U like.
Rule nr 1; Women wants to feel loved.
Rule nr 2; Don`t forget rule nr 1.
Now for the details, for all us math. inclined guys out there.
True story. Math and philosopher Bertrand Russel and Whitehead sets about writing the “final” all-inclusiv encyclopedia of math, starting by proving that 1+1=2. Set theory wise. On page 320 something the proof is complete. This monster project takes some 15-20 years of effort. Just as they finish it, a German named Gødel just releases a proof in math that, among others, prooves there are certain things in math that must be taken as a truth without any further ado.A bit like axioms in geometry.
And that proof stands today. It washed away years of fruitless labour for B.R. He agreed…..
Or in physics. Heissenbergs uncertainty problem. U can`t have both position and momentum.
Love does not come with detailed instructions. And that is the beauty of it. More like trial and error…
Here R my comments to the highligths posted:
On intelligence: Intelligent at beeing a woman!! That may or may not match your “IQ”. But if she makes U smile she`s got it.
( However, U must have the intelligence to see that…)
On Selfishness: Try to include her in your goals. There is no law that dictates either or. If you both want tons of money, believing that makes U happy, then go for it together.
(My wife and I love a beatiful garden. And we work on that together)
On Religion and Marriage: She believes and I don`t. We have 3 kids. One does and 2 don`t. So? We love them all the same.
Turnoffs vs. Turnons: U will find out eventually most of them. But remember. Gentle corrections to a woman. Gentle, but firm.
On Genetic Engineering: Tricky. We have a son with a genetic disorder. Wish he didn`t, but to control it from the onset. I don`t think so….in my case anyway. Very difficult question.
Relationships vs. Sex. Just different buildingblocks I guess. I think just like U Philip, and U can have a great time if U remember rule nr 1. I try to tell my wife that when I see a cool jet, fancy car, boat or sexy woman it all triggers the same brainactivity. I doesn`t mean I`ll by that car or wish that she was the babe on the beach, and don`t love her more than etc etc.
(Actually I`m infringing on rule nr1…..or so I think anyway)
So there is my condensed version.
Feel loved?………Hard work, determination, stamina.
And if U succeed. …..The taste of success. Just like solving a tricky math problem, only it comes with great perks.
From the country of the the long dark winters.
Norway
PS Keep up your good math posts.
good job and this is so so true
It’s kinda hard not to be general, so i’ll try to pick somebody i actually went out with…when i consider a few of the guys i’ve had crushes on in the past, i gotta say that i do think that even tho they never would have hung out together had they crossed paths, they had similar qualities. that can’t be coincidence. so, with that in mind, let’s see: my fave crush was about an inch shorter than me. he took art class, like me. hated math, like me, and like me wasn’t bad at it. we both loved to write and would try to come up with long stories together and make songs up and swap lyrics with each other. we had similar tastes in music, and in fact he contributed to a good quarter of my 400-song library, even though i wasn’t quite on board with everything he liked, and vice versa. he was a skeptic, as i consider myself to be. if you told him something, he wanted to know the “Why” behind it, and i’m exactly like that. he was quick to analyze things, as i overanalyze a lot of things, and if you claimed something he’d ask you to prove it- like me. he was the same skin tone as me, had hair of a similar texture to mine and was actually athletically built. he enjoyed swimming, and i had swam when i was younger. we would draw together, and in short, did A LOT together, and our parents were fond of each other. and we both shared the same belief system, christianity, and we both were average-read, and liked the same kinds of books- like Perks of being a wallflower, and les miserables, and 1984, etc. Even though i leaned more toward the classics and he toward contemporary. he liked outlandish things, just as i myself admire and appreciate, sometimes anyway, creativity and unique individual expression.
so i list all of these random details i can think of to help myself and maybe convey to you all what sorts of things i find attractive. it’s hard to pin it off the top of my head, because, just know that i didn’t come to really like him until years after i’d met him. he was just a friend, but as time wore on, i realized how much we had in common, and then he started to become attractive to me, in large part, because of all of these things i found drew us together. I’m actually awed by how much we shared, now that i’m looking back.
but now for the analysis part. i’m not saying that all the guys i’ve genuinely liked had these traits, but the others were outgoing, as he was, and even though i generally don’t consider myself outgoing among strangers, i do not shut up around people i know very well and amongst whom i feel comfortable. but i have liked introverted and extroverted guys alike, even though i tend to be more fond of those who are introverted. so i don’t know if there is necessarily a “A and B are opposites; therefore A likes B”, or, magnetic chemistry with that or anything, but ’tis what ’tis, eh?
so i can’t say, either, that it’s tall or short, but i don’t recall fancying guys who have towered over me. not that i go out of my way to slash them from the dating pool, but for me, on a physical level, i’m attracted to lean or skinny types, average male height- not too much shorter than me and not too much taller, and i’m 5ft.6and a half inches. and i don’t like guys who are dirty or don’t take care of themselves, but i do like the slightly rugged, “i threw on the first clean t-shirt and non-holey jeans i saw” look. so long as they’re kempt, and someone fairly easy on the eyes, which is hard for me to define because everyone i’ve liked has looked really different from each other. i’ve had crushes on white and black boys alike, but oddly enough, never asians or hispanics, and whatnot- probably because i haven’t been around any of them, though. so i won’t say i bar “everybody else” from the sphere.
so far as beyond physical, then, assuming that i’ve gotten to know the individual a little bit, then i start looking at things like confidence. does he have it? even if he’s shy, he can still have confidence. he doesn’t have to be boisterous with it- and in fact, that is not a winner with me. i prefer that he’s modest, proud of his accomplishments but not in your face with them, and that he’s got accomplishments. i do not like people who are going nowhere in their lives, who have zero direction, so even if you’re working at McDonalds or something now, plz have a game plan of some sort and actually be working toward activating it.
i’m big on sharing the same faith. i can work with you if you aren’t of the same faith as me, i have an open mind, don’t get me wrong, but my faith is who i am. i don’t mind being friends, but so far as relationship goes, i believe that if one hasn’t found God’s love, they can never love others to the fullest. that’s something that defies logic or analysis, it’s something that humans can’t understand fully until they’ve found that place in their walk with God. so anyone who’s like “are you saying that the atheist dad who takes a bullet for his little girl didn’t really love the child he just died for?”, that’s not what i’m saying. I’m saying it’s a different kind of love that only realizing God’s love and returning it to the best of your ability and as adequately as you can can amplify it to the infinite degree. like i said, it’s immeasurable, and who knows exactly in numbers what that is? and who feels the same, anyway- i will never know what you’re thinking, so therefore i can’t be a judge of how strongly you feel for things or people. but that’s my belief, i’ve already said it defies logic, so those who say “that doesn’t make sense”, you’ve been heard.
and for those reasons, we have to have common ground in our faith if we can ever become intimate- and here, i’m not talking about sex. i’m talking about really basking in each other’s presence, enjoying just being alone without distraction and not feeling the need to rush into sex simply because we’re male and female and have mad stocks of hormone. no.
but if i’m really into Jesus and you’re not really into Jesus but i’m around you a hella lot, then…well, you’re not uplifting me. you’re not necessarily a hindrance, but i will want to share the wonders of my faith with you, and it will be really difficult to share with someone who either is against it altogether, or someone who is just like “oh, that’s nice dear.” no, you don’t have to be insane enthusiastic or anything. my faith being that important to me, though, is something that ought to be important to the person i’m with. and that goes for everyone. if the biggest thing you’ve got going in your life is your big corporate job, you will want your significant other to be pumped about your job too. you want someone who you can rave about its hassles and its highs with and who will appreciate your job, maybe not on your same level, but at least who understands and tries their best without having to try too hard. like, they genuinely get a buzz out of it, just like you do, and in fact, it happens to be one of the things that brought you together in the first place. so that’s how me and my faith are, in the best analogy i can think of off the bat, for me and the one i’d ultimately find myself attracted to.
so that said, i prize the quality of a shared faith. it’s important, so yeah.
intelligence. you don’t have to be a fan of the classics or anything, but i would love if you liked engaging and stimulating material. i like to read, and i’m open to sci-fi and videogames (mainly RPGs), and i’ll consider anything you throw at me, even outlandish stuff, but if you are just a couch potato, that won’t cut it for me. we have to be able to find something to talk about at the dinner table if we haven’t yet reached the point where we can be comfortable with a peaceful mutual silence- be it basketball, soccer, oranda goldfish, parakeets, st. bernards, belugas, sakura trees, japanese maples, how much the rules in math don’t make much sense until my precal prof gives examples to go along with them…come on, talking is the main means by which humans communicate, and i can’t tell you how attracted i can be to someone UNTIL i find out after i’ve spoken with them how little input they have on a topic after i’ve fished around for things that might interest them. or maybe i’ve flat out asked them, what do you like to do?, and they don’t have much of anything or they mention something i myself have no interest in. “I like to go out binge drinking with the buds” is not a good answer. it may be honest, but i can’t relate to that- and that’s not saying that just because i can’t relate to something doesn’t mean i don’t want to hear about it. and i don’t mind alcohol, but what i’m saying is that if something means a lot to you, you’ll probably not have a hard time conveying it, to some degree, to another person. in fact,
if you mention something i have never heard of before, i’ll probe you for more info about it, even if after we’ve talked about it i determine i have no more interest in whatever it is. so what i’m saying is, i’m attracted to people who have opinions about things. no you’re not gonna have an opinion about everything in the world (hell, you won’t KNOW everything in the world) but express to me that you’re capable of intelligent thought. Debate with me about something; i like constructive arguments and criticism, and going head to head in logic is really fun and invigorating. i’m all for it, and i look for that in people. so i’m attracted, therefore, to intellectual types.
humor. All the people i’ve crushed on in the past have had rather sarcastic tastes in humor. not saying it’s gotta be sarcastic, but dry jokes go over my head. like for real. i’m black, but when it comes to jokes, people have said i’m frickin blonde, that’s how bad. but sarcasm i get. that’s my thing, even if i myself am not sarcastic. so i appreciate humor, but i’m more attracted to people out of whom it flows naturally. but if you can’t make a joke i’ll work with you- i don’t have to have someone sending me into bubbles of deranged giggles. no, spare me. i’m all for the natural, so if that’s not your thing, that’s fine.
another thing i find attractive is smiling- i’ve never been attracted to hard guys, who wouldn’t deign to crack a smile even if you were to pay them. smiling is good for you, and if your smile engenders comfort in me, then i’m probably going to be attracted to it and want to see more of it.
what else….activity. i don’t get out much, just ’cause, but i am a huge fan of the great outdoors, and so that said, i’m attracted to individuals who, likewise, are fans of the environment. i want a degree in biology so that i can work with plants and animals, particularly with conserving them, so a guy wins award points with me when i find that he’s interested in plantlife and knows the difference between a cycad and a baby palm tree.
Music! be it orchestral music, instrumental electronic kinda stuff or pop, i’m a fan. if you jam to rap or metal or country, we probably will clash, though. granted, i’m not gonna bash your stereo with a hammer when you’re not around, but if you can’t hang with alternative, rock, some pop, classical, some r n b, and so forth, then that’s a teensy little problem considering as how i might reject your invite to a Lil’ Wayne concert or something. Never mind that i have one of his songs in my library, and that i actually paid money for it as opposed to pirated it.
But i believe that music brings people together, even the more culture-oriented music like the geisha warbling or the hindu spirituals and stuff. heck, i don’t like contemporary gospel much and i’m a christian! so i’m just saying that that’s one of the things i do find attractive in guys is diverse taste in music. if he’s at least willing to give it a try, then his openness boosts him up in my esteem.
And i love marching band and concert band and the sounds-centered fine arts, so if we have that in common, then that’s a plus. I find that sexy!
so yeah, that’s all i can think of at the moment, but yeah…just a few things that invite me to a guy. confident swagger, looks people in the eyes when he talks, assertive…a few general adjectives i know the guy who headed this post said to stay away from but hey…couldn’t resist. thought i’d throw it out there. and someone with an open mind about the world. i love learning about other peoples’ cultures and religious beliefs, even if i can’t get down with them actively participating in the rituals and rites, i am curious and all the foreigners i’ve interacted with on my job get along with me very well, and are more than happy to share their ideals with me. and i work for a major airline, so half the people who i deal with are from other countries, and it’s just really cool being able to speak with so many different people.
so that said, people who want to explore the world or have been places win attraction points with me, as i’ll pry them for more info about where they’ve been and such. if they’ve gained experience from their experiences (haha, play on word usage- i love english) then i’m all the more attracted to them because it shows me that as i grow with these people, they also grow. it’s a shame when people stay as children and never learn anything and are content to stay on the same level they were years before. someone once said that if you’re not growing, you’re dying, and though it seems kind of a gloomy thought, it’s really thought-provoking, to say the least. very applicable, too, so yeah…
let’s discuss the greats. anyone? lol.
thanks for giving me the opportunity to share with people what i find attractive!
thnx fot taking up[ half the thread callaway..i find that unnatractive
What makes you think that there is a standard answer to that question? Your question assumes that all women share the same ideal of a partner, that all women are basically the same. But if you ask people (men and women) why they think their partner is attractive, they will all come up with different answers. You shoud try not to think in women and man categories because basically men and women are the same: human, with the same feelings and the same basic desires. I know, you can make some generalizations based on gender roles instilled by modern society, but what good are these? All they do is make you forget that in the end men and women want the same things in life, and if they don’t it’s not because their biological trates are different, but because they are different human beings.
Intelligence: Something, which will always agree with me, would be very boring. I Don’t think, a really intelligent one would like that. I think in a relationship there must be the same level of intelligence. At least if it shouls work for some time and we don’t speak about one night together.
Selfishness: Maybe an unpopular opinion: I think, selfishness can be good. Not complete selfishness maybe, but who is complete altruistic? Someone should have the ability to care for himself and not to give up his whole personality. I would like to continue with my hobbies in a relationship, going out with old friends and so on. A balance would be good.
religion: It would depend on, how big is the difference? I don’t think, it would work with a very religious, missionary man. I am not religious. It would work, if he let me out of this, but of course a big part of his life (maybe) would be out of our relationship. So it has to be more to balance that out with other similarities. I wouldn’t say, that this would never work, but it would make it more difficult.
atraction: Women have eyes too. Of course they can tell, if a man looks good or not. Maybe there’s just a bigger inhibition threshold to tell. A study says, that in a relationship the two partner usually have the same level of attraction (except one part ist rich, maybe). Women are more critical on her look than men, maybe that is the reason, they are more careful.
Turnoffs/turnons: cracker-barrel philosophy. Is that the right english word? I mean that slogans, which everyone in the bar tell to each other, with no reflectation, only because all the others say so.
And: I HATE it if someone tries to hard to do something for me that I want to do for myself and I don’t ask for help. I want to try for myself first. Argh, this can be very annoying, i can get really angry with this. He should help when I ask to, not before.
Phillip; you are far too picky and ‘deep’. No woman is going to like being in a relationship where absolutely everything is scrutinised to the level you scrutinise at.
Just accept that with love and attractiveness, there are some things you cannot explain. If you want any kind of a sensible explanation then turn to science and its theories of pheremones and hormones. Otherwise just be appreciative of the comments people are leaving, and accept them for what they are.
As for what I find attractive in men, physically I like a man who is rather rugged. Longish hair, and a little bit unshaven. I don’t have a clue why, I just do, so accept that. Personality, I like a guy who cares deeply about a woman’s feelings. I like a man who puts himself out for his woman, as much as she does for him. The man needs to understand that he needs to make his woman feel loved, or she will eventually stop loving him.
I like women with big boobs and hairy vaginas.
R u a girl or boy
I really like the opposite of the typical red blooded alpha male you meet in most sports bars or frat houses. I don’t know exactly why but nerds have always had an effect on me because they’re usually super smart, shy, into interesting stuff, some can dance, some write poems
When I was younger I was all about the bad boys and the hotness of the rebel who disses me, ditches me and makes me want him so bad! That mystery and raw heat are still hot, but it’s not what really makes me melt nowadays. Nerds and nice guys have a genuine and solid base for the most part and are easy to chill with and have relationships with….It’s hard to explain, but bad boys are the worst people in the world to try and love. See where your self esteem ends up with a total loser like that who knows how to play the game so well he can wrap me around his finger so tight I’m putty-even when he’s a total dick! These dudes are usually the kind who like you to pay their way and ask you to have a threesome a few months in 
Nerds are still way hot and deep and full of wisdom and some awesome lovin’ if you can bring it out!
First of all – my god you have bad taste in women :p
Second; i’ve noticed that my taste in what looks good fysically on men has alot to do with what the last guy i was inlove with looked like. For example i fell inlove with a guy with a hairy chest and muscular legs a few years ago, since then i like those qualitys, even though i never had a thought about what guys legs or chests looked like before that. The last guy had thin legs so now i dont really care too much about legsize anymore, as long as they are alittle defined (which pretty much all mens legs are, you all have great asses too, its really not fair)
I dont like it when they have too defined abs, a flat belly is fine but there should be some layer or fat above the muscles, they shouldnt show too much.
And i just want to add; non of this is very important to me, my ideals changes every time i become attracted to someone, and who i am attracted to has more to do with chemistry, this is just what i can think of at the moment, since you asked. if i would have to build a “perfect” body at this very moment.
When it comes to personality; Honesty. i know it doesnt exist but i think it would be really good for me. Someone who is strong enough who stand up for what they believe instead of just telling me what they think i want to hear. But at the same time be able to tell me the truth in a respectful way. I also need loyalty, someone who will take care of me but without loosing themselves (ofcourse i will take care of them too). And someone with ideals, i couldnt be in a relationsship with someone who wasnt for exemple vegan, or atleast on the way to becoming one.
Rachel; just a warning… I totally agree with you about nerds being hot but my experiance from them is that they often have very low selfesteem and as soon as you’ve slept with them and they realize they can actually get girls… they go out and fuck everyone they meet. Low selfesteem is a very dangerous quality in people, it tends to make them both aggressive and unfaithful.
Well, hang on a second: your example seems to imply that HIGH self-esteem leads to unfaithfulness, not low =P
Makes sense, too. Generally, the more attractive the person the less faithful there are. Gorgeous and beautiful women tend to be the sluttiest, just like rich and powerful men tend to bang the most chicks. In short, if you have the ability to get lots of sex, why wouldn’t you?
Another question is, is that a bad thing? Throughout the animal kingdom monogamy is not at all natural or normal, it’s really a human cultural invention.
Equating intelligence with ATHEISM? That’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read. Seriously. I just happened upon this page. I would find an atheist woman who thought that one of the most close-minded people I would ever meet and completely unattractive, no matter how intelligent.
Live life, enjoy and stop trying to justify everything.
Confidence, direction, purpose that she can join and feel wanted/needed.
I think people need to stop being so close minded about religion and atheism etc. I can understand that you would at least want your partner to know your beliefs. But judging them on them is a bit too far. It’s their belief or moral code. If you can’t have a relationship with someone who is an atheist then you are close minded too as it doesn’t mean they don’t believe in anything , they will have their set of morals and beliefs too much like myself. I find in a woman that their religious beliefs or non beliefs are not too important. If they are religious and they would like me to become “enlightened” then I will at least try it, maybe go along to their place of worship. But mostly in the past if I have gone out with a women who is strongly religious the relationship hasn’t lasted for very long as she tries to go too far in trying to make me religious. This doesn’t mean that you can’t ever have a relationship with someone who has different beliefs from you but I think the best way to do this is to meet in the middle. Mutually agree upon something. Sometimes this can make your relationship a lot stronger as you will bond more through trust. To people who immediately just judge someone badly for their beliefs shame on you, you are the close minded person not them
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